I don’t know what’s going on
I just suddenly stopped caring. About everything around me, about my friends, about people in general. Don’t get me wrong, I care for humanity, but socializing is no longer important to me. Talking to my friends on aim is no longer important. Trying to hang out with them because I never see them any more is just not important. I don’t care. When I try talking to you on aim, I feel nothing. You respond every 5 minutes with some stupid response, and I have no idea what to say. “Okay,” “haha,” “sure” and “yeah,” is what first comes to mind, but nothing with depth, nothing I would share with someone I really care about. We used to talk more. I used to say whatever random thought came to mind, but that’s slowly coming to an end. It’s not the same. I’d rather be alone now. I’d rather read a book the entire day, or walk through the neighborhood by myself, or drive along the roads and just contemplate. And the thought actually saddens me. That I don’t need you or anyone else anymore. I went through one of the toughest phases of my life just a couple months ago, when I relied heavily on the interaction with my closest friends. And now… I just don’t need it. I’m so over it. I’m so over trying too hard to stay in contact or to hang out just to have you bail on me. So over the disappointment that comes with trying. I’m so tired of people nowadays but I’m so content with hanging out with my cousin or talking to my parents or emailing my brother and sister or being by myself or knowing that I’m okay when I’m alone and that I don’t have to worry about everyone else. And maybe it’s better off that I read more often than live my own life. Maybe it’ll give me hope that life is better than what I make of it, because honestly, I just don’t give a damn.
