Memories
I miss how things used to be. I miss hanging out with my friends everyday after school. I miss not worrying about my future. I miss being around people who care. But I’m happy with where I am. I just wish I didn’t have to sacrifice so much to get here. Sometimes, I think about how things were before, and how happy I was when I was always surrounded by friends. Now, I’m just another person out of thousands, not necessarily recognizable.
I wish it was easier to be happy. It’s never a win-win situation. And no matter where I am in life, I’m always going to see the bad effects of my choices over the benefits. What can I say? I’m a cup-half-empty kind of girl. I wish it was easier to appreciate the wonderful things in my life. I have so much to be thankful for, but I always focus on the bad. It seems that I’ve been growing distant with the people I used to care so much about, and still do. I still care about you, but lately we’ve been dancing around bushes. I know my decision tainted your image of me. Maybe it seemed like I gave up. Maybe I did.
Lately, also, I’ve noticed myself grabbing onto the things that mattered most to me before, but it’s all slipping away. I wish I could just let go and move on, but it’s so much harder than it seems. I feel incredibly left out about 80% of the time. I know it’s nothing intentional, but it still aches.
It feels good to be genuinely happy. It’s too bad that genuine happiness is so rare for me. But I guess it makes every moment stick out more to me than usual.
Something inside me is empty. I don’t know what can fill that hole.
